why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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