yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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