Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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