At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
