Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
