Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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