I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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