I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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