im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
