My girlfriend figured out who you are.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
