and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
