Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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