How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
