$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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