First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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