i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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