fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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