Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
two words: eviction party
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
