do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
