HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
