I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I supernannyed him into submission
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
