i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
