I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
