So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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