I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I just found puke in my bra..
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
