Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????