Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
