1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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