i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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