im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
The uberlube is also flammable
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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