you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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