I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
