no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
