I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
