i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
