sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
