Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
