Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
