I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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