I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'm sobbing to NWA
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