went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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