My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
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