So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
pop tarts are not kleenex
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
