he puts the penis in happiness.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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