I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
