I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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