return my video game
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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