so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
