I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
