Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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