i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
