I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
