After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
