Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
