Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
