After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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