Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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