Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
