I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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