i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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