I should be sponsored by Trojan
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
