yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
