At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
