help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
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Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
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Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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