if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...