OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.