I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
