Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Randomize
