I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
