his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize