I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
this beer tastes like vomit already
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
