and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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