i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
