11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize