i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
this is an emotional support booty call
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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