Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
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