Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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