morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
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We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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