if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
