6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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