left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
