So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
