U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
