The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
