my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
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I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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