Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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