At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
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