Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
