It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
